… Four

I can’t put the full title of the “film” on this post. If you have seen this film and enjoyed it, fair enough. However, you will not want to read on.

I enjoyed the previous attempt at Fantastic Four back in the day of Jessica Alba and the star spangled man with a plan. I was young, give me a break… and there are worst attempts at hero films (this one being top of that list). It is my understanding that 20th Century Fox had the contract for the film and was running out of time, forcing them into rushing the film to avoid a (what probably wouldn’t have been company destroying) fine. They have certainly destroyed their reputation for the time being don’t you think? They allowed this film to come into existence. Let’s just take a moment and think of films that live up to the standard of being accepted as a film. Drive. Rush. The Place Beyond the Pines. Titanic. The Lord of the Rings. Batman Begins. Pursuit of Happiness… Fanfourstic just doesn’t belong. I can accept a film which slightly lacked storyline. I can even allow some cheesy script writing. But take those elements, add some emotionless performances and just follow the ‘Superhero Movie Guidebook for Dummies’ then I am sorry… wait why am I apologising? I can not accept it as something that is enjoyable. Just look at how miffed these guys are getting. They deserve a good film don’t they?

Fantastic-Four

Has anyone played classic Final Fantasy games on the Playstation? If not, these are RPG games made popular in the 90’s. The cutscenes in those games look much more impressive, believable and realistic than the effects used in this film. Everything was just so rushed here that I’m convinced all shots for the film were filmed either on green screen, or in an office room which had been rearranged for each scene.

ff-fantastic-four-header-4

I was never excited for this film but I wanted it to do some justice to a fantastic hero ensemble (see what I did!?) I really hoped for the best. I had recently seen the trailer for Creed, the 2015 Rocky spin-off. I’m aware the Rocky series is also not the most impressive of films, but I very much enjoyed the story of Rocky’s career. Anyway the point is, Michael B. Jordan is playing the lead role of Adonis Johnson so I was looking forward to seeing what he is like. Needless to say Creed had better be awesome.

Michael-B.-Jordan-Sylvester-Stallone-in-Creed-slice

This film didn’t believe in a storyline did it? Nothing happens, nothing happens, nothing happens, nothing happens… then a fight happens in another dimension or another planet or something against “Doom”(?) (why not just do Dr. Doom correctly?) while the audience feels no connection to the absolute peril Earth is in due to a black hole. I do feel sorry for director Josh Trank. He can’t be fully blamed for this film’s outcome. While it is blatant director suicide I understand his Twitter outburst of frustration towards the studio’s attitude towards the making of the film.

He posted “A year ago I had a fantastic version of this. And it would’ve received great reviews. You’ll probably never see it. That’s reality though”.

Realising his mistake he took it down pretty sharpish, however retweeting exists. I would love to see the film as he intended, it would never have been the best superhero movie but still. I would like to see if the colour was sapped in his version or if the dummies guide now includes “use no colour in your film. Can’t hurt, it worked for Nolan“.

Batman-The-Dark-Knight-Rises

I feel like the end credits are just a list of those who will no longer work in the film industry again. So I am giving this film a -4. I would have been -5, but the film is no longer than 1h45m so thankfully it didn’t take away too much of my time on this Earth. If you agree, disagree or have any further rants to make about Fanfourstic then I’d love to hear it. Thanks for reading, and keep up to date with my posts by following on here or my Twitter @AJMatulewicz

BYE

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